Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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