It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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