We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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