I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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