Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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