I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize