My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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