You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
