So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
