nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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