i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
