Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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