i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
