She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
