guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize