I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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