Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize