I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
