I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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