hotel room ftw
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
