And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
