Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
