You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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