Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
