youre lurking in front of me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
