I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think my vagina is haunted
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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