If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
