wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
