i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
