I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize