If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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