Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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