So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
