Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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