benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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