I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
