Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
