Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
