Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
