apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
