i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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