Will you blow on my dice?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize