Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
