Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
