What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
