im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
