god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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