i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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