dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
