dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
