I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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