allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
