He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
