I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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