ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
