Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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