why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
