then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
