i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
