what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
These tits shall not be calmed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
