I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
