I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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