when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize