tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
