Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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