I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
