the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
