my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
